Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
