he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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