I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
