My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
