Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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