I smell stomach acid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
