i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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