he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
