That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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