i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
