Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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