So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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