you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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