Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
