true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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