I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
where does the pee come out of this thing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
