hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
