shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
