So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
