I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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