1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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