Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
