3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
