Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
