If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
