I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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