you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
