saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize