what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
