I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
