he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
