I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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