So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
