I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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