i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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