I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
