I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
