You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
