I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
