Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I could make wine with my vomit
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the day after is always just damage control
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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