Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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