fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
