Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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