i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
