who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
