my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
