i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
