Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
