one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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