Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
