You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
