Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize