just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
