I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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