do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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