i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
