You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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