I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
