my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize