U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
