I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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