Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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