Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
