Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Couch. On fire.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
