I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
