Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
