Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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