wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
