actually, I'm a sock model
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
