you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
