Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
