yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
