i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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