GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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