I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
