wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
