I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
